You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
