i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
