I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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