I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
