There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
home. puking in laundry basket.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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