Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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