i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize