She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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