I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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