I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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