i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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