theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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