Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
