i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
