I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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