Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
