Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
