Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize