ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
