he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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