Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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