i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize