It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
