She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
