I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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