worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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