Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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