im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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