how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
