im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
