Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
