Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
