The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
