Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
