OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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