I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
