Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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