Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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