Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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