dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
