Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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