I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
