You're so nebulous sometimes
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
