I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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