Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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