census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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