I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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