I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
