awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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