just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
