Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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