I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
it's like iHOP with fire
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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