I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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