oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dignity is for republicans.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
