When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
