Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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