Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
