I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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