At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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