You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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