the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
