Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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