he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
