Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
