I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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