I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
