I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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