She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So gin and wine won't be happening again
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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