he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
