I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
