census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
