I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
