I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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