I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
