She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
