Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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