I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
