See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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