I'm lost and stupid without you.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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