I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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