So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I will be naked everywhere
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
