im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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